I don't know what it is. I had the hardest time leaving Kansas City today. I cried and cried. I still feel like I could cry. I don't know what my deal is or why it was so hard to leave this trip. I had NO desire to come back here, even knowing this is where the majority of our friends, along with our jobs and most importantly, our BED is! I just wasn't ready.
I had a hard time this trip with jealousy. I hate admitting it, but I know that's part of it. My oldest brother and his family (wife and two daughters) live eight houses up from Mom and Dad. We spent the majority of our time with them and our girls played together like they always do. I hate to say it, but I'm incredibly jealous that my brother has what appears to be "the life" so to speak. He lives right around the corner from Mom and Dad and his family is super close to them. They do a ton of things together. Sure, we're close to Mom and Dad too, but it's different when you live four hours away. My brother lives in this great house with great schools with great friends close for his girls to grow up with.
I can't help but be jealous. I know we are blessed here in Springdale. We have a wonderful group of friends that are like family. We have ok jobs. We have a fabulous church home. Why is that not enough though? Why is it that I feel so sad when I think about how bad I want to live in Kansas City!? Why does my heart ache when I think about how we may or may not ever get to live there?
I don't know.
I'm sitting here crying as I type. I hate that. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.
5 comments:
As much as I hate to say it, I have such similar feelings about the Joplin, MO area. My brother lives about 5 minutes from our folks. We, more importantly or kids, get to see my folks 2-3 times a year. That's just not enough for a grandkid to see a grandparent. I feel your pain my friend. We love you and I hope that God brings extra joy into your world in the week ahead. God bless,
Ryan
I think it is hard to be away from family. Don't feel bad. It doesn't mean you don't appreciate all that you have, you are just very close with and family centered. That's a good thing! I always feel bad for people who have horrible relationships with their fams. It would be doubly hard knowing your sibling is getting to live how you would like to with your parents. Hang in there. I'm sure it'll all work out someday! Glad you had a great time!
I'm so sorry you had such a hard time leaving! It is hard when your time with family is spent in spurts. I know you have always wanted to get back to KC and I think that is natural, especially since you have more than one family in the area. Maybe that's in God's plan for you someday! Until them he's given you kleenex!
I think you're mostly a little tired from "mothering", cuz it wears you out. And the release you get from being with your family opens the emotional floodgates!
I think you hit the nail on the head Holly! Couldn't have said it better.
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