Change

I've tried writing this post a million times...well ok, not a million literally, but you know what I mean. I've just not been able to put in writing what is in my head or in my heart. And then this afternoon, I got the following email from a dear friend at New Springs, Lisa Miller. Lisa's husband, Jeff, is the Pastor of NS. I asked her if it was ok to post our conversation and she said yes. It seems as if this explains everything in my head. And just to warn you-this is long. So be prepared..........


"Hey, Steve and Shelly. I just wanted to tell you guys that I have missed you both (and Tanner, too). I suppose that might come as a surprise, since i am learning i'm pretty rotten at showing people that i care about and appreciate them. I'm not sure, but i'm guessing from your status updates that you guys have been trying other churches. I wanted you to also know that no matter where God ends up leading you, I wish you the best, and i mean that truly. I hope that you feel free to do what is best for you; I know things like this can be very difficult. I love you both, and I hope that no matter what happens, we'll stay in touch."
*lisa

My response:
"Hey girl. You made me cry with this note. You silly girl! I was just trying to blog on the whole change of church thing and man, it's just so hard to put into words! It's weird. I have it all in my head and yet then when I go to type it out-it just sounds stupid or something. We of course don't want to hurt any feelings or anything like that...and it's a very tough situation to be in. Never really thought we'd be where we're at, which makes it even more weird!

Steve and I started talking randomly a month or so ago about church. I say randomly because church isn't something we talk about much-it was more or less something we'd do on Sunday mornings. Get up and go to church. Come home and go on with our week. I do my daily devotions, we pray individually and that is the extent of things.

What was surprising when we started talking about church was how we both felt the same burden.....and that was the need to see what else is out there. The biggest reason is/was Tanner. She hasn't enjoyed NS for awhile now. Mainly because there is no one else there her age. (Which is no one's fault) She's mentioned several times how hard it is to get involved at First Baptist (where her Dad goes) when she's only there every other week. We've witnessed that first hand with her, but never really thought much more about it. Until that day we were talking and realized that we (Steve and I) were on the same page.

We love NS and the people there. We love the heart of NS. But at the same time, we felt as if we weren't necessarily being challenged the way we needed to be. I very much want to be involved in some sort of Women's Bible Study. I was apart of one at NS years ago and man, it made such a HUGE impact on my life. I miss that. I miss that type of study and I miss the accountability that comes along with it. I know NS has Guilds, but honestly, the two that we tried (years ago) were very distracting and almost felt like a waste of time. It seemed as if more time was spent on getting the kids to get along that we didn't really study much. I know some of that can't be helped-kids are kids of course. But we stopped going to Guilds....and that left the one hour of worship on Sunday mornings.

When Steve and I talked that night, it became obvious that we both felt the same way-that maybe a change was needed...for Tanner and for us. Maybe there was something different out there...we didn't know until we looked.

At the same time though, it felt as if we were cheating on NS! We talked about how financially, NS needed members to stay and how if they didn't stay, it would financially affect people/families. We talked about how good the people of NS have been to our family and how we felt "guilty" if we didn't stay. There were other things, but these were the two big things. But then we talked about how we felt that God wouldn't want us to stay somewhere out of "obligation" or "guilt" and how if we felt like God was leading us somewhere else, and didn't follow that lead, well, that was wrong too.

So we prayed and prayed and then stepped out on faith, not really knowing what we were going to do.

We went to Fellowship in Lowell, with some friends, the first night. Didn't really like it at all. Liked that it was on Saturday night. But it felt more like a marriage conference (the pastor was speaking on Love) than church. When we left, Steve said "If we're going to go to a big church we might as well go to Springdale where it's close to home."

I kind of laughed, thinking Steve was joking, but yet agreed too.

The next week my parents were here and we didn't go to church.

Last Saturday night at 10:30p.m. Steve and I were laying in bed, trying to figure out where we were going to go to church on Sunday. The easy thing to do was NOT go. But the easiest thing isn't always the best thing. We debated between Christian Life Cathedral or First Baptist. We were looking at websites, listening to podcasts, etc. Finally Steve shut the computer down and said "We're going to First Baptist."

So we went.

When we walked out of church that morning and got into the truck, I asked Steve what he thought. He looked at me with the most surprised look on his face and said "I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I LOVED it." I about fell over because i felt the exact same way. I can't tell you what it was. I can't tell you what was different, but I can tell you that it felt like home.

And to see Tanner so excited that we were there was priceless. She ran up to us immediately after the service and said "Does this mean we get to come here every week!?"

We went again this week and again, LOVED it. And again, I can't tell you what's different, but it just feels right. Steve and I both walked out of there feeling as if we'd been challenged and yet blessed, all at once. We were afraid that the Pope (Ronnie Floyd) would really push money and giving. He hasn't. We were afraid the people would be snooty and well to do. They aren't. We were afraid that we wouldn't "fit in" so to speak and that we'd feel like an awkward guest. We didn't. We felt as if we'd been there for years.

This week Tanner stayed and went to her Sunday School class and we came home. They call Sunday School "Connection Groups" and we are going to try and find one that we like next week and start the "getting more involved" process.

I think what's amazed me and touched me through this whole process has been Steve's attitude. Big churches are WAY out of his comfort zone. Trying something totally new is WAY out of his comfort zone. Talking "spiritual or church" things is WAY out of his comfort zone. And yet, through this whole process, he's been so open and honest and has stepped out of his comfort zone for the sake of our family and for the sake of his faith. And I think he's realized that stepping out is ok....that you never know, it might just turn out to be a good thing. I've seen a change in Steve over the past month and it's been a neat thing to watch. God's working on him....I can see it.

We do miss NS and the people. We do feel guilty. We've told a few people at NS about our decision and most have said the same as you. We are grateful for NS and we pray and pray that it continues to thrive as a church and that it continues to grow and reach the community. We will forever be in debted to NS for the help and support it's given our family over the years.

And we'll of course stay in touch. WE LOVE YOU GUYS!!! Our decision was/is nothing personal against anyone at all. It's simply what we felt God was leading us to do and we felt that this was best for our family. Though we miss NS and her people, we are excited to see what God has in store for us. :)

Please don't hate us and please don't be mad at us. I'm so thankful you took the time to write. You have no idea how much that means to us. "
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So there ya go-the long version of WHY we left New Springs and WHY we've started attending First Baptist in Springdale. Yes, this is the same church that Mike and Jill go to. No, this will NOT cause problems-first of all, we all get along most of the time. Second of all, FB is a mega church and if we don't want to see each other one day, well, that will be entirely possible.

We are happy and we are excited.

This change.......is a good thing.