Heavy heart

My heart is so heavy today. It just hurts. I hate feeling this way.

I just feel so bad for my friend Allie who lost her boyfriend in Iraq. I've tried several times today to try and put myself in her position. I wanted to try and understand her pain. I can't do it. I can't even begin to imagine the pain, the fear, the lonliness and the all around feeling of loss that she must be feeling. It blows my mind. It scares me.

I think part of what makes it so hard is the fact that she doesn't have any family. She's only in her mid 20's and has lost both her parents and now her boyfriend/fiance'. She has one younger brother that she's basically had to raise himself. She's got tons of friends, which is great, but it's not the same as your Momma. I can't imagine losing the man I love and NOT having a parent to turn to. Praise God Allie was close to Justin's family and is with them right now. Praise God she's got someone to fall back on and to grieve with.

Someone at work today said "Hey, when the big man decides to punch your card and take you out, it doesn't matter where your at or what your doing-your gone!" And though I know that, it still doesn't seem fair. It doesn't seem fair that Justin was going there VOLUNTARILY. It doesn't seem fair that he didn't even make it to the barracks where they were going to be staying for a year. It doesn't seem fair that Allie has to go through the loss of someone else she loves and she's only in her mid-twenties. How do you go on? How do you return to a "normal" life after all you've been through? Man, I just don't know.

What I do know is that God is AWESOME and though we don't know the reasons now as to why this horrible thing happened, we know that someday, we will understand. I know that somewhere in all this, God is working. I know that God hasn't and isn't going to abandon Allie during this time. I just pray that she realizes that and somehow finds comfort in that.

I did hear a neat story today through all of this. My best friend from work, Kevin, is Allie's Leitendent. He had the horrible job of telling Allie about Justin last night. Kevin is a very strong Christian and has been for quite sometime. While talking to him today, he said before telling Allie the news, he pulled over in a parking lot (at 11:00 at night mind you!) and he prayed out loud for/with Allie. I think that's so stinking cool. I think it's so awesome that the last thing she heard before she found out the horrible news, was a prayer. How cool is that?

Please continue to pray for Allie and for Justin's family and friends.

Don't take today or any other day for granted. Live your life to the fullest. Thank God everyday for the friends and the family that you have in your life. You don't know how quickly that can all change.

Also, go hug your loved ones. Hug your babies. Hug your husband or wife. Hug your friends. Tell the people that you care about that you love them and value them in your life. Don't wait for tomorrow to tell someone just how important they are to you. Never assume that people know how you feel. TELL them. SHOW them. And thank God daily that you have them in your life.

Unfortunately I've (along with many others) been reminded today just how precious life is.