Events/Observations Part 3

*Today my Gma walked over to my Gpa, took his hand, leaned down and said "I love you Bud." Gpa, though very weak, managed to say "I love you too." Precious.

*Do we stay? Do we go? Do we stay? Do we go? This is what Steve and I found ourselves asking constantly today. Though our jobs would totally understand us being off again, at the same time, we kind of felt as if we should come back here for a few days at least. Man, it was such a tough decision though. We got back to Arkansas around 6:30. The first hour or so, Steve kept saying "Do you think we made the right decision?"

*Tylenol is not always the answer to a fever....Gpa's fever spiked back up to 103 degrees tonight.

*Gpa's white count DID NOT drop between last night and today. It was still .6 today (normal is 6-10), so although it's dangerously low, it's a good thing that it didn't drop anymore.

*My parents got up and went to early church today. Steve and I went to the hospital. When my Dad walked in after church, he asked my Gma "How's my Daddy?" Oh my gosh, I about lost it when he said that. My 53 year old Dad was calling his 81 year old Dad "Daddy." Wow.

*There are so many people that love my Gpa. He's touched so many lives. He had several visitors after church today and they all talked about what a great man my Gpa is. I hope I can touch lives like my Gpa has.

*The respiratory therapy came in and gave Gpa a breathing treatment while we were there. He listened to his lungs and when I asked how they sounded, he said "Diminished." I said "that's not what we want right?" He said "It's better." We're not sure what that means.

*Gma asked us today "Why aren't there more young American Dr's? All these Dr's these days are foreign and you can't understand them. Why is that?" Good question.

*I felt bad for the Infectious Disease Dr. today. He was almost apologetic for not being able to tell us where the fever is coming from or why it's not breaking. He seems almost as frustrated as we are. I'm so thankful that Gpa's got caring Dr's.

*Tomorrow will be an interesting day. Gpa's Dr's were all off this weekend so we just saw their partners and they more or less just maintained Gpa, verses doing more tests, etc. His regular Dr's will be back tomorrow. The nurses have told us there is a shot of some sort that they can Gpa to help boost his white count. We'll talk to the blood Dr about that tomorrow. The Cardiologist will be back tomorrow as well and will be able to tell us about his heart failure. The Infectious Disease Dr has ordered cat scans of Gpa's body to try and locate the infection.

*Those blue masks that you have to wear in the room? Yea, they were no more comfortable today then they were yesterday. We got to the point that as long as the nurse wasn't around, we just had them around our necks. When the nurse walked by or came in, we quickly put them over our mouth and nose.

*Those masks make it hard for Gpa to see you smile. Every now and then he'd open his eyes and kind of look around. When I made eye contact with him, I tried to smile....I wanted him to know that I was happy to see him.

*Something with the oxygen masks makes Gpas nose itch. He'd try to take his mask off and itch his nose, but he's so weak and has such a fever that he's shaking really bad. When he'd start to try to scratch his nose, I'd go over, take his mask off and help him get his nose. Well today, he was trying to get his hand up there to itch and said "Damn it." 'Ole Gramps still got it in him. :) He was frustrated because he was shaking so bad he couldn't scratch his own nose. Poor guy.

*Gpa has started getting bed sores, which is not good.

*Did you know that before you can get a pint of blood or some platelets (he had to get platelets today), you have to get a dose of Benedryl? Yea, me neither.

*My two cousins from Enid, Oklahoma made a quick trip up to see Gpa today. I'm so thankful that they did.

*My mom told me today that she (and my dad) was proud of me. She said she was proud of the way I "jumped in and helped Gpa" whether it was feeding him or helping him to get a drink or just holding his hand. She said she was glad that I was there to help talk to Dr's and to take notes on what they told us. It made me feel good to hear my Mom say those things.

*How do you say goodbye to someone that you love and care for so much? How do you say goodbye to someone that you've looked up to for 34 years? How do you say goodbye to the person that's been the rock of your family all these years? How do you say goodbye to your Gpa knowing this is probably the final goodbye you'll get?

*When we left today, I went in to the room by myself. Gpa and I had a good little talk. He told me that this was "probably the last time I'd see him alive" (the tears really started then!). He said "Gpa loves you" and told me to take care of Steve and Tanner. I told him to fight if he could and he said that he didn't think he could fight anymore. Who can blame him? We talked about some other things but I can't go into detail because Steve reads this and he doesn't want to know what was said yet. Let me just say.......there were lots of tears shed!

*I guess tonight he ate a little bit of ice cream and a little bite of peanut butter. That's the only thing he's eaten today.

*Although being home sucks, it's going to be nice to sleep in my own bed again.

*Thank you for all the continued prayers. Please keep them coming.