Helpless

I'm feeling rather helpless and gloomy right now.  Tanner started a migraine with vomiting on Thursday but was able to catch it quick enough that the vomiting only lasted that day.  We thought we had done a really good job at stopping a cycle and were so excited!  I took her school supply/clothes shopping yesterday and we had such a good time.  I dropped her off at her Grandma's afterwards and she spent the night with her, learning how to sew. 

For some reason this morning, I was wide awake around 5:30 or so.  I was irritated because I was awake, but decided to make the best of it and get a few things done, along with just enjoying the silence.  I had just decided to turn the light back off around 7:30 and go back to sleep when I heard my cell phone vibrating.  Isn't it funny how God works?  Had I been asleep, I'd have never heard the phone, which would have been bad. 

Tanner was on the other end of the line, crying, that her head hurt and that she had thrown up twice.  I threw on some clothes and rushed to get her.  Once I got her home, we dosed all of her medicine, she took a quick bath (which relaxes her) and then she climbed into bed.  She's been there all afternoon in between a couple of vomiting episodes. 

It breaks my heart.  I wish so bad that it was me and not her.  I hate to watch her suffer physically, but even worse is watching her suffer mentally.  She came in at one point crying and said "It's just not fair.  I was having so much fun!"  What do you say to that?  How do you answer?  I couldn't.  I simply hugged her and prayed over her. 

I feel helpless.  She wants so bad to fit in.  She wants so bad to be apart of something.  This coming week is Band Camp.  She'd get to see her "Bandies" as she calls them.  It is also another week of Volleyball practice where she's getting to know some of the Volleyball girls.  It seems like she gets excited about something and then a cycle hits.  No one understands.  Adults have a hard enough time wrapping their minds around the fact that someone vomits and suffers from severe nausea all the time.  Add teenagers to that mix and they could care less.  So she has very little support from kids/people her own age and yet that's what she needs the most.  I can comfort her.  I can cry with her.  I can lay with her.  Hold her hair back.  Rub her back.  Encourage her to drink fluids so we don't have to go to the hospital.  I can do all that....but sometimes that's not enough.  And that makes me feel helpless.

I hate feeling helpless.  I hate seeing my girl sick even more.