So I have something that's been bothering me for awhile and we were just sitting here with Mom and Dad talking about it, so I thought I'd blog for just a bit.
This afternoon Mom and I went and watched Tanner practice at "Motion," which is a song/dance group at her Dad's church. (I'm not so hip on this, but that's a whole other post, trust me) The entire time we were there, which was at least an hour, the child didn't say a word to anyone else. There were probably 50 kids in this group and I kid you not, my child didn't say a word to anyone. When it was over the guy in charge asked the kids to come have a seat on the floor and listen to a few announcements. Tanner goes to the back of the group and sits by herself, almost away from the others-and she purposely did this!
This isn't the only time Tanner has been this way. The kid just doesn't have a lot of friends. Or at least a lot of good friends. I don't remember the last time she had a sleep over. I tell her all the time to call a friend or something and she won't do it. She talks about several friends at school-she's got a group of kids that she eats with everyday and has classes with, but again-she doesn't have a best friend.
This concerns me a lot. I'm so scared that she's a loner. My fear is that she's one of these loner kids that people pick on. I remember having lots of sleepovers as a kid. I remember going to people's house after church on Sundays. I remember calling my friends and talking on the phone a lot. Not my Tanner. Nope, she prefers to hang by herself or with us.
The few good friends that she has at school are NOT the high class, snooty, spoiled kids-her friends are the homely, chubby, ordinary kids. I'm very grateful that Tanner doesn't see "class" as a reason to be someones friend. The last few days she's taken one of her kids from the handicap class she's an aide in, to lunch with her. She thinks it's great.
I asked Tanner tonight about the kids in "Motion." She said there are some her age, but she "doesn't' want to be friends with them." I asked why and she said "because they are mean and snobby to people and I don't want to be like that." We saw one of these little girl's at Olive Garden a few weeks ago and Tanner said hi to her-the girl looked at her as if to say "Who are you talking to me?" and then looked away-didn't say a dang thing. Irked me so bad! She was also in a Sunday School group at her Dad's church where the other six girls in the group didn't talk to her. They were all from well to do (I know this for a fact) families and they all went to school together-Tanner was left out. She stuck it out for a year and this year finally spoke up and changed groups. Made me so mad and so sad at the same time.
I'm glad that Tanner isn't like that. I'm thankful that she can see how she DOESN'T want to be. I'm so proud of her that she's so involved with the handicapped kids, even when that may not be the most popular thing in the world. I just wish I could find her a couple of good, close friends to hang out and grow up with.
I have a cousin who is two weeks younger to the day than Tanner and they are like night and day opposite. Rachel, my cousin, is into all things boys and makeup. She has lots of friends and has sleep overs and telephone time. Not my Tanner. My niece who is 9 is all things Tanner isn't. Emma is super super smart, she's athletic and she's also got a ton of friends. She's got a best friend that lives right down the street. Not my Tanner. My Tanner prefers to come home, hang out with the fam or go in her room and dance and sing to a CD.
The fact that she doesn't have a lot of friends doesn't seem to bother her, so I'm not sure why it bothers me so much. I guess I feel like she's missing out on something maybe? I don't know.
What do you think?
How do you help your kids to make new friends? How do you encourage an almost teenager to find a friend? How do you help your kid not be a loner?
Suggestions anyone?
2 comments:
Fist of all, I would count your blessings! I think she is abnormal in the best way! I am glad that her head is on so straight!
But I know it's hard to see your baby without good friends, and I don't know that you can manufacture a good friend. Just keep the lines of communication open about what a good friend is, etc. And keep exposing her to lots of different groups of kids. I think eventually she will find a good friend to share things with. Not really earth shattering advice, but I hope it puts your mind at ease.
Tanner sure does sound like a great girl! I think she definitely knows what she wants in a friend, and when the right one comes along it's going to be good one. A kind that you won't have to worry about her being with. =)
Oh, and I think that it's amazing that she is working with the handicapped. I did it through out high school and had so much fun that I went on to work at Arkansas Support Network before coming to the PD. She MUST be a very strong girl to be doing that at such an early age!
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