So Steve and I were talking a few weeks ago about Christmas. I love Christmas and all that goes with it-celebrating Christ's birth, the smells, the sights, the carols, shopping, playing Santa, the candlelight services, family time....you name it, I love it when it comes to Christmas. It's my favorite time of year for sure.
Here's the thing though.............Tanner still believes in Santa. Now let me say too that she knows and truly understands the real meaning of Christmas and has for several years now. But she still believes in Santa. Last year she and some friends were talking at lunch about Christmas and one asked if she still believed in Santa. Tanner told her yes and the child proceeded to tell her that her parents are Santa and Tanner still argued that he was real. She got teased later on about it, which hurt her feelings.
When that happened, I almost told her the truth. I remember that conversation like it was yesterday! She was so adament though that Santa was real and that he left her presents! She said she told her friends that Jesus was the real reason we celebrate Christmas, but she still thought Santa left her gifts. It was so cute-her strong belief and her innocence. I couldn't tell her the truth and just told her that if she wanted to believe, then believe and not worry about the other girls.
Fast forward now to a couple of weeks ago and Steve and I's conversation. We both feel like we need to tell Tanner the truth about Santa. I don't want her to get teased again this year and my word, she's almost 13! In our opinion, we need to tell her and stress to her, that she needs to play along with her little brother and sister and not spoil the fun for them.
Well, last night, she and I were laying in bed watching "Dancing With the Stars." We start talking about Christmas and how skimpy it's going to be this year with the way money is going around here. She starts talking about how she's going to make a list of things she'd like from Santa this year and then she'd make a list of things she'd like, and think we can afford, from her parents. (Totally cracked me up, by the way) She said she'd only ask for cheap things from us. HA!!
Here's our conversation:
Me: Do you still believe in Santa?
T: Well, yeah?
Me: What would you say if someone told you Santa wasn't real?
T: Well, I mean, how could he not be real? He leaves me presents.
Me: Ok, but how does that prove that he's real?
T: Because his name is on them! (I love her innocence) He got me my trampoline and my bike. He's even left me a letter and I still have it to prove it!
Me: Ok, but what if someone told you that wasn't real?
T: How could it not be real? You can go online and send Santa an email giving him suggestions of things you'd like. I can go get the computer and show you now.
Me: No, that's ok. I just wondered what you'd say if one of your friends or someone else said Santa wasn't real.
T, shrugging her shoulders: I don't care. I believe there is one.
End of conversation.
After I put her to bed, I called her Dad and asked him if he and Jill would object to us telling Tanner that Santa wasn't real, explaining to her that she needed to still keep quiet about it for the sake of Rachel and Porter.
Oh my word, you'd have thought I had asked Mike to hang the moon. He was very adament that we NOT tell Tanner about Santa. He said if she still believes, let her believe. I explained the teasing at school and how I wanted to spare her from that this year. I also explained that I feel like Tanner maybe knows something is up, so why not tell her? I explained that while I'm an adult, I still believe in the magic of Christmas and by telling Tanner the truth about Santa, she too could still believe in the magic of the season.
Needless to say, the conversation ended with noting being resolved.
So what do you think? How do you feel about your kiddos believing in Santa? When do you tell your kiddos about Santa, if they still believe?
Leave me a comment with your opinion. I'd love to hear it and need some outside opinions. If you don't have a google log on, leave an anonymous comment and put your name on the bottom. :)
I can't wait to read ya'lls comments!
Thanks!
8 comments:
Wow, Shel! That's awesome she's been able to maintain this innocense for this long! Ashlynn already has friends telling her these things, and I fear the end of the belief is near. She has asked questions for the last couple years. If it were me, I think I'd tell her. It is hard enough to be a 13 year old girl, let alone be teased about Santa. I doubt Mike wants his kid to be the 'weird' one, so maybe tell him that! Tee-hee! I think it's so hard though to tell them and not have them feel as though we've lied to them all these years. That's a tricky situation! Have you ever seen the letter entitled, "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus"? It talks about the spirit of Santa. I remember my mom sharing that with me and I saw it in our newspaper last year and tore it out to keep for when the time comes. Best wishes! I'm not sure I helped you at all! :)
Shelley, I think she's going to figure it out pretty quickly on her own. I was too old to believe in Santa anymore when I figured it out and just asked my mom if he was real. She just asked "what do you think?" each time and eventually, I told her I didn't think so. I remember being upset even though all of my friends had quit believing in Santa. Santa's just hard to let go of.
What are you people talking about!?!? Santa is REAL and he still brings me presents..... Tanner is amazing, her heart is so pure that even when others try to plant seeds of doubt and cynicism they can't taint her view of the world!.... Santa may not be a person that literally flies around in a sleigh.... But think about this, he is a definite spirit that fills the heart of parents everywhere... This spirit causes parents to make Christmas magical, filled with surprises, and anticipation..... Because a gift is "from Santa" we rack our brains to think of special surprises, that come out only on Christmas eve after the kiddos are asleep..... Santa fills our hearts with a little of that magic too... We often get dragged down by the sense of obligation to buy the perfect gift for family, friends, coworkers..... But when we're looking for special Santa surprises we are more creative and sneaky and "filled with the spirit".... and it's not about the gifts specifically..... I still get Santa presents at my parents'.... While I know they are bought from my parents' bank account, they are set apart from the others because THESE are the little presents that more thought and heart went into..... They are the special ones that bear Santa's name!..... So my vote..... don't sit her down and tell her........ maybe start talking more about the spirit of Christmas........... she'll figure out the logistics.... but it seems like kiddos that are sat down and taught "This isn't real" aren't really gaining anything..... They're just losing the magic!
Ok girl, we told Kyn this year. She kinda figured that there wasn't a Santa, but wants to believe in the spirit. Also, we told her that she in a way gets to play Santa by playing along for her cousins sake. I do have to tell you though, that Kyn swears that she will not tell her kids there is a Santa, because she "won't tell her kids a lie that is so hurtful when you find out the truth". Now, I knew she would say that and think we had just lied.She was more mad at us for lying and wasn't really upset. She still feels very strongly about it being a lie- it was hard to tell her, but I felt like she needed to know.You know Kynleigh- can't you see her thinking that? Good Luck.
Ash
Tough one! Santa is definitely a part of the "spirit of the season," and you say she already knows something is up. You may just be able to re-direct her belief into a more grown-up idea. You might try to research the origin of Santa and have the story help her decide what to believe. I love your girl! She is so sweet!
Shelly,
Sorry I can't be much help here! We don't do "Santa" with our kids, and I was too young to remember when I was told myself.
It's definitely a tough predictiment. If it makes you feel any better I actually had a cousin who believed until she was in upper high school or early college. My aunt had to finally tell her the truth because she asked for something so big there was no way that they were going to be able to afford it.
I do think the truth should come from you and her dad, and not from an outside source.
Don't know if this was a help at all or not but wanted you to know I was thinking about you!
I found out about Santa one year when I snooped to find my presents before Christmas. (Yes...I know snooping is bad, but I've always had difficulty with patience, and waiting for Christmas presents is no exception!) On Christmas morning, I opened one of the presents I had found and instead of having Mom's name on it, it said it was from Santa. I wasn't really disappointed...In my mind, Santa is real...it's just that my mom is Santa for me. I still get a stocking and Santa gifts at my mom's house every year. It's a special treat that I enjoy, and my mom likes keeping that magic alive. I think Tanner will figure it out soon...she's a smart girl! And I know with that wonderful heart of hers, she would never even think to ruin it for her younger siblings!
Tonya
Per my recollection, my parents never played along with the santa bit, so i never started believing in him. (or if i did, finding out otherwise must have been so horrible that i'm now repressing the memory.)
But the fact is that Santa is real. First of all in the sense that there really was a guy who left people gifts and began the legend. But more importantly in the sense that Santa is everyone who gives people gifts not expecting anything in return, which is of course the best, or even arguably the only real way to give gifts. The way God does. So, whenever you give something as "Santa", or anonymously, you ARE santa. That's who the real santa is.
So if you were going to explain it to her, you just have to say that, yes, santa is real, but he isn't a guy with flying reindeer, he is in fact everyone who gives gifts in the spirit of Christmas. That's my take. Tanner is totally right, her logic is faultless: obviously those presents and that letter are real, and they came from santa. he just has a secret identity (identities). and she can be santa too!
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