Events/Observations from today

(I've rewritten this blog several times now because I just can't seem to put on paper the things that are going through my head. If this is really random, that is why and I apologize up front.)

Events/Observations from today:

*Grandpa doesn't LOOK like he's knocking on death's door just yet. This is based on my observations from two years ago when we had to go to Wisconsin and be with Steve's cousin until he died.

*Mentally, spiritually and emotionally, I think Gpa is ready to go see Jesus. He's tired, he's weak and I think the fight has left him. Who can blame him.

*Despite Gpa being so sick and weak, despite a 103.3 temp, despite an oxygen mask on his face, he can still muster up the words "You know your 'ole Grandpa loves you right?" That's always been his saying.

*Even though it's been a rough, stressful, emotional day, I'm so thankful that we're here and I know Gma and Gpa both are too.

*In my eyes, my Gpa has always been the strong, protective, nurturing type. Today though, what my eyes saw was a tired, weary, sick man who is waiting for Jesus to take him home.

*On the way up here I prayed "Dear God, please don't take him....." Now I'm praying "Dear God, please hurry and take him so that he's no longer uncomfortable and tired."

*When I walked in today I immediately walked over, took Gpa's hand and kissed his forehead. He opened his eyes and said "Hi there Sugar." Then he said "I'm so glad your here. I'm dying and this is probably the last time your going to see me alive." My heart got stuck in my throat and though I tried my hardest not to cry (or argue with him!), I did it anyway. What else could you do?

*My Gpa has led an amazing 81 years. I mean really, that's kinda old, right? He and Gma still live on their own, up until a week ago when he started his chemo back, he worked out in the yard and had many "projects" around the house. He is an amazing man and I have been blessed beyond words to have known such a man, much less be related to him.

*I felt good today when my Aunt was talking to another Aunt and filling her in based on the notes I had taken while the Infectious Disease Doctor was in the room. My Aunt said "This girl is good at taking notes-we need her around all the time!" It's nice to know I'm needed. :)

*Since Tanner is in Kansas City right now as well with her Dad's family, we went ahead and told her this morning what was going on. We asked her to think about if she wanted to see Gpa or not and let her decide what she thought was best. After seeing Gpa, I'm so thankful that she chose NOT to see him the way he is. Praise God for the good memories she has.

*I have an amazing husband and am truly blessed by his love, his strength and most of all, his ability to handle me when I'm a blubbering mess. I'm so thankful that he may be crying right along with me, at least he's able to be here with me and help get me through this.

*I took a sleeping pill tonight. Is that a bad thing? Hope not, because it's too late.

*My brother and sister-in-law made it back from their mission trip to Mexico this evening. Praise God for that! My youngest brother and his wife are coming in town tomorrow morning. Praise God for that as well.

*I have an incredible family and no matter what, I'm so blessed. My Dad is one of six kids and with that, I have sixteen cousins. For the most part everyone gets along (or at least acts like it!) and we are all pretty close. That's amazing to me in this day and age. Gma and Gpa did something right. :)

*Gpa said today "I have the best kids and the best grandkids." I told him we have one heck of a Dad/Grandpa. He just squeezed my hand and closed his eyes.

*It's got to be a horrible feeling to have to sit and stare at your husband as he's laying in a hospital bed and you know that there is absolutely nothing that you can do to make it all better. This is what Gma has done most of the day. I feel so bad for her. She says growing old is no fun and I definitely believe her.

I guess that's enough observations for one day. The sleeping pill must be kicking in because I'm sitting here yawning while I type...that means I better proof read, spell check and then go to bed.

Thank you for the prayers. Please continue to pray for my Gpa and my Gma. Pray that God will take him quickly and that my Gma (and the rest of my family) will make it through this.

Thanks again.